


Role Reversal

by Glitterb1234



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, New Moon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:04:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4749107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitterb1234/pseuds/Glitterb1234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Painful truths become apparent on the night of Bella's birthday party, leaving her feeling she has no choice but to end her relationship with Edward. Will an unexpected disaster be enough to change her mind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Role Reversal

**Author's Note:**

> Written for The Canon Tour: New Moon Round  
> Prompt: After the birthday disaster, Bella breaks up with Edward, thinking she's hurting him by being in his life.

Dazed and disorientated, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm – into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires. - New Moon, ch2

There was a flurry of activity as everyone seemed to move at once. Carlisle and Edward were in front of me instantly, Edward crouched by my side while Carlisle grabbed my arm tightly to try and stop the flow of blood.   
“Get him out of here.” he ordered in a low terse voice.   
With Emmett pulling, Rosalie pushing and Alice gently cajoling, the three of them got Jasper outside quickly, and Esme followed them, an apologetic look on her face when she glanced back at me. I gave her a weak smile in return, which I hoped showed my understanding and told her I didn't mind at all.  
“Let's take her into the kitchen,” Carlisle said to Edward, who nodded and scooped me into his arms, careful to make sure Carlisle still had a grip on my arm. He set me down gently on a stool at the kitchen counter and vanished, reappearing with Carlisle’s big black medical bag and a bright desk lamp, which he plugged in and flipped on, angling it over my arm. It was clear he was planning on staying, but I could see that he wasn't breathing, and he had to be in pain.  
“Just go Edward.” I sighed. “Carlisle will take care of me.”  
“I'm fine.” he insisted, going to sit down beside me.  
“Edward,” Carlisle murmured placatingly. “I think Jasper will probably need your reassurance right now. He'll be feeling the first stirrings of guilt very soon, and only you can make him feel better.”  
Edward frowned, evidently torn.  
“Go.” I repeated. “Your brother needs you.”  
He finally gave in at that, nodding once and hurrying out of the back door.

“He's so stubborn.” I mumbled half to myself once he was gone.  
Carlisle chuckled. “He's always been that way. He gets it from his mother.” He shook his head, still smiling. “The amount of times I found that woman out of bed trying to tend to him when she was so much worse off...”  
He began to talk about Edward’s human mother Elizabeth as he worked on my arm, and I half listened. The other half of me was coming to some rather painful realisations, realisations I should have come to a long time ago.

From the moment I cut my finger to the moment he left the house, Edward hadn't taken a single breath. Though his main emotion seemed to be concern for me, the hunger he could never truly contain had burned in his eyes, turning them dark and a bit frightening. Anyone else would probably be afraid for their own safety, but I was not most people, and I was worried about him. He struggled every moment that he was with me, trying to contain what was inside him, and though he'd been doing it for many decades, he had told me himself that he'd never been so tempted by anyone in his life as he was by me. The very presence of my scent, my blood, burned his throat, hurting him more than anything else in the world. Entirely unintentionally, I was hurting Edward. All the time. And I couldn't do it anymore. Tonight had shown me that anything could happen at any time that would make it even harder for him, and I would only wind up hurting him more.

But that wasn't the only way I could hurt him – would hurt him. We'd talked about it only this afternoon; what he planned to do if I died. If he had his way, it would be when rather than if. Though I’d begged and pleaded all summer and continued to do so now, he absolutely refused to change me, determined to keep me human for some unfathomable reason. He had said he would stay with me always and follow me when I passed away, but I knew that no matter how soon he managed to remove himself from this world, he would suffer over my death for every second that he lived longer than me. Once he was gone too, his family would become the ones who suffered; they would lose their son, their brother, and – in Alice’s case especially – their best friend. That could not be allowed.

I could see only one solution, one sure way to end the pain in the long run, though it would most likely instill worse pain for a short time.

I had to break up with Edward. As soon as possible.

“There we go.” Carlisle said with a smile, smoothing a bandage over the cut on my arm. “All done. You'll probably want to take a Tylenol or two before you go to bed or when the local anesthetic wears off, whichever comes first.”  
I nodded, still distracted by my unsettling epiphanies. Edward appeared out of nowhere at my side with a concerned look.  
“Everything alright?” he asked, speaking more to Carlisle than me. Carlisle response was silent, but he had evidently soothed Edward’s worries because he sighed in relief and kissed the top of my head. Alice reappeared a moment later and dragged me upstairs to change clothes and clean up all the cake that was on my skin and even in my hair in places. I didn't talk to her anymore than necessary, and went back downstairs without waiting for her to follow me.

“Edward, can you take me home please?” I said, and he nodded, taking my hand to lead me to the door.  
“Don't forget your presents!” Alice called, dancing over and handing me the unopened silver packages. Then she wrapped her arms around me, careful not to press against my bad arm.   
“Happy Birthday Bella.” she said, and I smiled a very little bit as I hugged her back.   
“Thanks Alice. It really was a nice party.”  
She smiled and nodded, and then Edward swept me out to the car and held my door while I got in. He was around to the driver's side in seconds, starting the car and setting off down the driveway. I watched the trees go by outside, still trying to process everything going through my head.

I could feel Edward eyeing me nervously, shooting furtive glances at me every few seconds, but I ignored him and just kept staring out the window at the green forest passing us by. Neither of us spoke, the silence broken only by the soft music drifting from my new stereo, which Edward had instantly tuned to a classical station as soon as we got in the car.  
When he pulled into my driveway, I picked up my presents and got out of the truck without waiting for him to open my door for me. Still, he was at my side in a second.  
“I can take those for you if you want.” he offered.  
“I've got them,” I assured him, starting up the path to the front door.  
“Would you like me to wait upstairs?” he asked, persevering despite my short, curt answer.   
“If you want.” I shrugged. I didn't hear anything that indicated movement, but when I glanced back he was gone.

“Bells?” Charlie called out when he heard me slam the door.  
“It's me.” I called back, heading for the stairs in the hope of avoiding an awkward conversation.  
“You're back early,” he commented, coming into the hallway from the living room. I could hear the sound of the TV running a game behind him.  
I shrugged, too tired to bother being creative with a lie and telling a partial truth.  
“I tripped.” I explained, holding up my bandaged arm. “Dropped a glass plate and cut myself. Carlisle stitched me up, and he said I should come home and rest.”  
Charlie's eyes widened in concern. “Are you alright? That looks nasty.”  
I smiled at him. “I'm fine. I’m just going to take a Tylenol and go to bed.”  
“Alright.” he said, eyeing me slightly suspiciously. “Let me know if you need anything.”  
“I will.”  
Charlie stepped forward and, in a rather out of character move, kissed me softly on the forehead.  
“Happy birthday Bella.” he whispered gruffly. “I love you honey.”  
“Thanks Dad.” I murmured back, startled by the sudden affection and emotion. I moved away from the contact when it began to get a little uncomfortable for both of us. “I love you too. Goodnight.”  
“Night.” was his short response as he went back to his game.

I climbed the stairs, not even bothering to go into my bedroom; I had a set of pyjamas in the bathroom already, along with my wash bag. After changing, washing the last of the blood off my skin, taming my hair, tossing back a Tylenol and a glass of water and brushing my teeth, I went to my room, still carrying my unopened presents. Edward was sat against the headboard of my bed with his hands behind his head, looking completely relaxed and perfectly at home. I couldn't ignore the truth though; this radiant, magical creature could never really belong in my dull little human world, and I was only hurting both of us by trying to make him fit. I knew the sooner I got myself out of his life, the better for everybody. But, being the selfish coward that I was, I was too afraid to do anything yet. I would build up my nerve, I promised myself, and break up with him as soon as possible. Starting tomorrow. Tonight I would enjoy one last taste of happiness.  
Edward smiled at me and held his arms out in invitation. I went to him as I usually would, but kept a little more space between us than normal. He raised one eyebrow but didn't comment, putting his arms around me in a comforting embrace.   
“Would you like to open your presents now?” he asked softly, nodding to the silver packages in my hands. “You don't have to tonight, if you're not up to it.”  
I shook my head. “No, I want to open them. I’m kind of curious about what you got me that didn't cost you anything.”  
He shrugged. “I hope you like it. But I think you should open Esme and Carlisle’s gift first.” Then he grinned wickedly. “They spent lots of money on you.”  
I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. It didn't fell as carefree or natural as usual, like I was forcing it. Like I was acting. Ignoring my rather depressing train of thought, I picked up Carlisle and Esme's present – the one that was still fully wrapped – and very carefully removed the paper, not wanting a repeat of earlier. It was a long flat box, inside of which were two pieces of paper with a lot of writing on them, most of which made very little sense. I gave Edward a questioning look, and he laughed softly.  
“They're vouchers.” he explained. “They can be exchanged for plane tickets for you and me to go to Florida and visit Renee. Esme thought it would be nice for you to see your mother before you go to college without having to wait until the summer or save up a lot of money.”  
“Oh.” I said, not quite sure what else I could say. The gift was so generous, and so thoughtful; it made me sad to think that half of it would never be used.  
“Is it too much?” Edward asked worriedly when I had been silent for a moment.  
“No, no.” I shook my head. “It's very... kind of them.”  
He smiled, obviously not believing my acceptance. “Don't worry. Like I said, I didn't spend anything on your other present, although I’m sure Alice would rather have bought you a whole new wardrobe.”

I shuddered, and he laughed. My curiosity piqued, I reached for the final present sitting on my bed, opening it just as carefully. Under the paper was a clear CD case with a blank CD inside. There was no writing or marking to indicate what it might be anywhere.   
“What is it?” I asked.  
“Play it and see.” was Edward’s response, an excited and slightly nervous smile tugging at his lips, as if he were worried that I wouldn't like it. I got up and crossed the room to my stereo, putting the CD in and pressing play. There was a quiet whir as the disc spun, and then the soft, familiar strains of my lullaby echoed through the room. Tears sprang to my eyes and a soft gasp escaped my lips.  
After a moment, Edward’s arms came around my waist and he stood close behind me with his head on my shoulder.  
“Alice helped me record my compositions onto a CD so you could listen to them whenever you want.” he murmured. “It was that or I buy you a piano so I could play them here, and I didn't think you would like that.”  
I chuckled, and even I could hear that it was slightly strained. 

We stood there silent for a moment, just listening to the music. I struggled the entire time to hold in the tears as he held me close, trying to push away the bad thoughts of what was to come and focus on the here and now. As the last strains of my lullaby drifted into silence and Esme's favourite began, Edward turned me around to face him and gently guided my hands until we were in that familiar and dreaded stance; his hand on my waist and mine on his shoulder, our other hands held together, out to our side and up.  
“Edward...” I sighed, but he gently shushed my protests and began to lead me in a slow, careful box step around my bedroom. As much as I hated dancing and worried that I was about to make a fool of myself at any moment, I felt safe in Edward’s arms, and almost as if I could at least attempt to measure up to his perfection. He smiled down at me lovingly; the look in his eyes took my breath away.  
“You see.” he whispered as the song ended and we came to a standstill. “I told you it was all in the leading.”  
I smiled, looking down at my feet and hugging him, tucking my head into it's usual position against his chest. He hugged me back for a second or two, then suddenly scooped my legs out from under me – I had to muffle my squeak of surprise with my hand – and placed me gently on the bed, folding the covers over me before he lay down at my side. His fingers brushed down my cheek, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, drew my hand to his lips so that he could place a gentle kiss on my knuckles, and finally settled lightly over my waist as they had when we were dancing.

“I don't want to bring it up now,” he murmured, “and ruin an otherwise perfect day, but at some point we're going to have to talk about what happened tonight.”  
I closed my eyes and sighed. “I know. Just...” I raised one hand and curled it around his cheek, ignoring the unsettling difference between our skin tones.   
“Not tonight.” I whispered, and he nodded in agreement.  
“Not tonight.” he repeated. “Tonight you need your rest. And I should like to do something much more pleasurable than discuss the almost horror movie that took place at my house this evening.”  
“Oh really?” I asked, hearing the slightly teasing tone in his voice and echoing it to the best of my ability. “And what might that be?”  
“Well,” he smiled. “I should very much like to give the birthday girl one last kiss before she goes to sleep. If that's alright with her of course.” he added with mock severity.  
I just smiled. “I'm sure she wouldn't mind in the slightest.”  
Edward grinned and leaned in to touch his lips to mine. The kiss began soft and innocent, just like any other, but it quickly escalated as a surge of emotion rushed through my body. Passion exploded with the realisation that this had to be the beginning of our separation. This had to be our last kiss. Ever.

And so, even though I knew I would be pushed away, I pressed myself close to him, gripped his hair in my hands, parted my lips and ran my tongue across his lower lip. To my surprise, he responded in kind, holding me tighter and opening his mouth the tiniest bit. Our breath was shared, passed backwards and forwards between us for an immeasurable length of time. When I finally ran out of usable air and was forced to breathe, Edward took the opportunity to pull away completely, leaving us both panting on our backs.   
“What was that?” he asked breathlessly after a moment.  
“I don't know.” I replied in a whisper. He was silent, as if waiting for me to say something more, but I had nothing else to say. I rolled over onto my side, curling into him without letting myself look at his face, though I could feel his eyes on me. I closed my eyes and started trying to fall asleep.  
“Goodnight.” he said quietly after a moment.  
“Goodnight.” I returned.  
There was a pause, and then...  
“Bella?”  
“Yes?”  
“Happy birthday.”  
“Thank you.”  
Another pause, longer this time.  
“Bella?”  
I sighed. “What is it Edward?”  
“I love you.” he breathed, and guilt chewed at my insides.  
“Love you too.” was my only response. We were silent then, and in minutes I had drifted off into a semi-peaceful oblivion.

~RR~

The next day, I worked to maintain my detachment, only allowing a soft kiss on the forehead when Edward slipped out of my window before Charlie was awake. He frowned a little, but let it go. At school, I walked beside him silently, missing Alice’s bright chatter which might have taken away some of the awkwardness, but she was with Jasper somewhere in Canada, trying to get him to stop blaming himself for what happened and come home. So I was left with a moody tension between me and the person who had always relaxed me more than any other, making sure my hands were always full so that he couldn't try to hold them, ignoring his notes that appeared on top of my books throughout the day and only responding briefly to his attempts to make conversation. We parted ways at last by my truck at the end of the day, and it was almost a relief to do so. However, Edward seemed to have other ideas.  
“Can I come over tonight?” he asked nervously, as if he anticipated my denial.  
“I have to work tonight,” I hedged, “and I need to study for Calculus. I’m already getting lost.”  
I wasn't making excuses; since Alice had swung me a day off work for my birthday yesterday, I had to make up for it today, and I really did need to study for Calculus. My teacher seemed to be slightly sadistic and was insisting on bi-weekly tests to make sure we understood everything.  
“Why don't you come over to my house after work?” he offered. “Everyone will be out, and I could help you study, if you want me to.”  
I considered it for a moment. Logically, I knew that accepting his offer and spending more time with him than necessary would very likely undo all the work I’d done today to distance myself from him. However, my logical side was not in control at that particular moment, and I agreed, with only a second's hesitation, to drive to his house after work. Edward smiled and leaned in to kiss me goodbye, but I turned my head at the last moment so his lips met my cheek instead of my mouth.

All through work I felt the anticipation build up inside me. Worse still, it was a slow day, leaving me plenty of time to think and wonder and worry. I almost chickened out and drove straight home when Mrs Newton finally let me and Mike leave about half an hour early, but in the end I couldn't resist the pull towards the big white house on the river, and I set off, well below the internal speed limit of my truck, down the highway through the forest.

Edward was waiting for me when I arrived, standing on the front porch with a smile on his face. I jumped out of the truck and followed him into his house, feeling a twist in my stomach as I stepped across the threshold; something in me knew there was something coming that would change everything, something I had been building up to. I still wasn't sure I was ready, and I knew I would put it off as long as possible, but I knew it wasn't going to be long before there was nothing I could do, and it would be time to let him go.  
“Shall we go upstairs?” Edward asked me, gesturing to the stairs. I just nodded mutely, keeping my books clutched close to my chest and followed him up to his room. Once there I sat down on the sofa and opened my Calculus book, going to the page we had been working on in class and trying to make sense of it; Calculus was one of my more difficult subjects, and just thinking about it had a tendency to make my brain hurt. Rather than sitting beside me as I had expected him to, Edward went straight to his CDs, looking along the shelves as if trying to choose what to listen to. I didn't think anything of it really; I was more focused on the sense of foreboding that hung in the air and my own distaste of the distance, both physical and emotional, that had evolved between us, which I had no one but myself to blame for. After a moment, however, the tension broke when he appeared in front of me and slammed my book shut. I looked up at him tiredly and found him glaring in a way that would have frightened anyone else. But I could see in his eyes that he wasn't angry, just hurt, confused and worried.

“What?” I asked him blandly.  
“Is something wrong Bella?” he said, answering my question with one of his own. “You've been quiet all day, more so than usual, and so distant too. I’m worried about you.” His outward anger melted away into a soft expression and he finally sat down beside me, moving the books and taking my hands. “Is it because of last night? Is that what's bothering you? Because you can talk to me Bella, you can tell me anything.”  
He was so sincere, so truly caring and concerned for me; it broke my heart to realise that now was the time, that I would have to break him and myself, shatter our small amount of peace and happiness for his and my own good. Even knowing that this was the right thing, my body reacted against it, my mouth going dry and my eyes dropping to our hands.  
“You're right.” I said, almost in a whisper because of how tight my throat had become. “It is about last night.”  
Edward smiled slightly and nodded, clearly thinking that he understood what my problem was. “That's completely understandable Bella. It happened so fast, and you really didn't have time to process what was going on. I’m surprised you didn't go into shock right away. It's no wonder that you're a little out of sorts.” He gently stroked my hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear tenderly. “You don't have to worry though. I’ll never let anything hurt you, not Jasper or anything else. He really doesn't lose control that often. Last night was the first time he's slipped in a long time, and it won't happen again anytime soon.”

And right there was my opening. Edward had unknowingly handed me the perfect excuse, a reason to leave that would make sense to him, even if it was far from the truth and not something I was worried about at all.  
“But what if it does?” I whispered, refusing to look at him.   
He seemed taken aback for a moment before he recovered himself. “Really Bella, you haven't got anything to worry about. Jasper feels terrible about what happened, and he'll be much more cautious from now on...”  
I shook my head and got up, cutting him off. “It's not just Jasper I’m worried about. He may be the least experienced with your lifestyle, but he's not the only thing that's dangerous around here.”  
“W-What do you mean?” he asked, sounding nervous.  
“I mean,” I took a deep breath. “that it's not just Jasper who's at risk of losing control. It could be anyone.” I paused, and my voice dropped to a whisper, my eyes on the carpet as I spoke. “It could be you.”  
I heard his sharp intake of breath from across the room. I could feel the pain I was already inflicting on him, and I had barely said anything. It was only going to get worse from here on in. So rather than drag out the process longer than necessary, I launched straight into the next part of my attack without waiting for his reaction.  
“You were right.” I said softly. “All along you were right. When we first met, you said you were dangerous and that we shouldn't be friends. When you took me to the meadow, you made it clear there was a chance that I wouldn't come back. And in Phoenix, you told me to go and live with Renee instead of coming back here. You were right, and I should have listened. It took what happened last night to make me realise that.” I turned around, looking at him for the first time and forcing myself not to back down when I saw his agonised expression. “It made me realise that we're from two different worlds, worlds that should never have come together. We're just... too different, and I don't think I can carry on pretending anymore.”  
“Do you mean...” he choked, stopping and starting over again. “Are you... breaking up with me?”  
I was glad he said it; it was so much easier than having to say it myself. This way all I had to do was keep my nerve and force out a definite, final, “Yes.”  
He made another choking noise, this one sounding more like a sob and causing my heart to crack down the middle. I had to get out. Now.  
“I'm sorry.” I whispered, then grabbed my books and ran out of the room and down the stairs before he could stop me. I half expected to suddenly run headlong into his chest or feel his hand grab my arm, but he didn't follow me. 

The grey clouds that had been gathering all afternoon had swirled together while I was inside, forming an almost black layer across the sky. Just as I opened the front door and hurled myself down the porch steps, there was a loud rumbling noise from above and the heavens opened. Rain poured down in buckets, soaking me through in just the short dash to the truck. Jumping into the cab and slamming the door shut, I turned the keys roughly and the engine roared to life.

Only to splutter and die seconds later.

Cursing, I tried again, and the same thing happened. I smacked the dash in frustration; of all the times for the truck to break down on me, it had to be now. I looked out of the window, where the rain was already so thick I could barely see anything. As I saw it, I had three choices: go back inside and ask Edward to drive me home, wait here for someone else to arrive and ask them for a ride, or take a chance and start walking. Perhaps if I had had a clear head, I would have stayed put; after all, now that it was raining so heavily it wouldn't be too long before the bulk of the family came back from their hunt, and Carlisle finished work in a few hours as well. But I didn't have a clear head. My judgement was clouded by heartbreak and sadness, and tears threatened to start pouring like the rain at any second. And because all this led to extremely irrational behaviour, I grabbed the rain coat I had left on the seat, pulled it on and shoved my books into my backpack, which I threw over my shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door of the truck and jumped down onto the ground, which was quickly becoming boggy under the onslaught of water from the clouds above. Not allowing myself to pause or look back towards the house, I began the trek back up the Cullens' driveway to the highway, wrapping my arms around my torso and trying to ignore the driving rain that dripped from the edge of my hood and soaked every inch of exposed skin, as well as some that weren't exposed. 

I’d almost reached the road when I heard what sounded like my name being called, muffled by the noise of the rain. I ignored it, as I was ignoring just about everything but the path my feet were walking, and kept going. The calling continued, getting louder as my pursuer gained on me, until a hand came down on my shoulder.  
“Bella,” Edward said, his voice thick. “come back inside.”  
“No thanks.” I said without any emotion or inflection. “I'm fine.”  
That got him angry. “Don't be ridiculous Bella, it's freezing and pouring. Come back to the house before you catch your death of cold.”  
I didn't answer him, just shrugged off his hand and kept walking.  
“Bella, please!” he begged, keeping pace with me easily, and I knew he wasn't just asking me to come back to the house. He was begging me not to leave him, but I refused to be swayed.  
“No.” I said stubbornly.  
Edward grabbed my arm and stopped walking, jerking me to a standstill beside him. We glared at each other, and I could see in his eyes that he wasn't going to let go. He would follow me, even if he had to follow me all the way back to my house, continually insisting I return to his. He would hang around me until I caved and went back to him. I couldn't let him do that; I couldn't let him waste his life on me for another second. So I rallied all my nebulous acting skills, and pulled out the big guns.

“Just let me go Edward.” I said, low and cold. His eyes popped wide, startled, and I hoped he wouldn't associate the words with the last time I’d said them, when I’d left Charlie for his own good, his own protection. Of course, this situation was exactly the same, and so was the reasoning behind the words, but he had to believe that I didn't mean them the way I had when I said them to Charlie. He had to believe that I meant them the way Renee had eighteen years ago. And luck was on my side, for I could see in his eyes that he did. His fingers released me in a flash, like my arm had somehow burned him. Before he could change his mind or gather his wits, I took off running down the drive, the guilt I felt for betraying him causing tears to build up and spill over. My bag bounced against my back, the heavy books probably giving me bruises, but I didn't care. I just had to get away, far away, as far away from him as I possibly could so that I didn't give in to the urge to turn around and run back to his house and beg for forgiveness. 

I stopped running when I finally hit the highway, too tired to keep it up, and returned to my sullen trudging along the side of the road. It was utterly deserted; for ten minutes as I plodded along, there wasn't a single sign of a car. Then, headlights came around a bend ahead of me, making me blink furiously against the glare off the wet asphalt of the road. I heard the engine slow, and realised the car was pulling over. With my vision impaired by the driving rain and blinding light, it wasn't until it stopped beside me that I realised it was Charlie's cruiser. Breathing a sigh of relief, I pulled open the passenger door and jumped in, apologising for the water I spread everywhere before I was even in my seat. Charlie just grunted in response and turned the heat up when I started to shiver.  
“Edward called.” he said a minute later, as if to explain how he knew where I was. I just nodded and kept watching the sheeting rain outside the window.  
“He said you'd run off into the rain.,” he continued, seemingly ignoring my avoidance. “and when I asked him why, he told me you broke up with him.”  
I hummed in agreement and nodded again, trying to disconnect myself from the conversation and focus on squashing the agonising pain that threatened to take over my body.  
“Are you going to tell me why?” Charlie pressed.  
“No.” I replied dully.  
He huffed, but dropped it. The rest of the ride home was silent, and as soon as we got back to our house I went straight upstairs to take a shower and finish my homework. There was a large wet spot on my bedroom floor where the rain had come in through the open window, and I quickly cleaned it up as best I could before closing the window. It felt wrong to do it; the window was always open these days so that Edward could come in without risking Charlie hearing it squeak. Realising that I would never have to worry about that kind of thing should have relaxed me, but it only made me start crying again. 

I went downstairs long enough to cook and eat dinner, ignoring, blocking or avoiding Charlie's attempts to find out exactly what had happened. After dinner I went back upstairs again and started getting ready for bed. As I was coming out of the bathroom I heard Charlie talking to someone on the phone in the hallway.  
“I just don't understand it.” he was saying, sounding utterly perplexed. “It seems so unlike her. Has Edward told you anything else?”  
He paused, listening to the response on the other end, then sighed heavily.  
“Poor kid. And you really have no idea what happened to make Bella do something like this? I can't think of anything at all, except she was unusually quiet when she got back from her birthday party.”  
Another pause, and I realised Charlie must be talking to one of the Cullens. My heart sank, and I couldn't listen anymore, so I retreated to my room. I curled up on my bed, wrapping my arms around my chest, and finally allowed myself to give in to the grief and cry until my eyes ran dry and I fell into an uneasy sleep.

~RR~

It happened the next day, in my last class of the day. The whole day had been full of awkward, stony silences; Edward was still in most of my classes, and more often than not he was sat next to me. I barely spoke to anyone at all actually, and at lunch I abandoned my usual seat in favour of one at an unoccupied table on the other side of the cafeteria from my friends. I could feel their curious, concerned stares boring into my back, but chose to ignore them, as I chose to ignore the hurt and betrayal in the look Alice shot my way as I walked past her. She and Edward seemed to respect my decision to stay away from them, even if they didn't like it.

Neither of the Cullens were in my last class. At the front of the room, the teacher droned on about something that I had honestly lost all interest in the moment he began. I wasn't the only one not paying attention; with only fifteen minutes of the school day left, almost all of my classmates were fidgeting or having quiet conversations.

Suddenly, a loud explosion boomed across campus from the direction of the science building, followed instantly by the peal of the fire alarm. I joined the throng of people streaming down the corridor, some excited and some terrified, all speaking at once so their voices become one big roar of unidentifiable noise. As we left the building, the shouting turned into screaming, and the anticipatory hurry became a full out frantic dash as the red glow of a large blaze became visible over the top of the other buildings. People were running everywhere, girls were screaming, and the teachers were fruitlessly trying to keep order while simultaneously freaking out as much as the students. It was utter chaos.  
Somehow over all the madness I managed to hear the sound of my name being called worriedly by a high pitched voice. I turned to see Alice looking around just a little too fast considering the amount of humans around, a panicked, almost pained look on her face. Something must be seriously wrong for her to let her flawless façade slip even the tiniest bit.   
“Alice!” I called out, jogging against the flow of people towards her.   
She spun around to face me, relief seeping into the frightened look in her gold eyes.  
“Thank god you're okay!” she said, wrapping her slim arms around me as soon as I reached her. She didn't relax though, and I could tell that something was bothering her, something big.  
“What's wrong, Alice?” I asked, concerned. “What is it? Did you see something?”  
Alice shook her head sadly, looking like she would be crying if it were possible. “No, I didn't see anything. But I wish I had. Then this might not have happened, and he... we... oh, Bella!”   
She hugged me close again, sobbing pitifully. The crowd was beginning to thin out now as more people reached the assembly point in the parking lot, and those that passed us didn't even seem to notice we were there, flowing around us like river water around a rock.  
“Alice,” I said seriously, pulling back a little as a sense of dread settled in the pit of my stomach. “Tell me what's going on.”  
She'd said he, and unless something had happened to Jasper, there was only one he that meant enough to Alice to elicit this kind of reaction.  
Sure enough, the next word out of her mouth was the very name I had been dreading she would say.  
“Edward.” she whimpered pitifully. “He was in the lab where the fire started, and I can't find him anywhere. I can't go in and find him without risking getting stuck, and even if I tell someone, there's no way the fire department will get here fast enough to get him out before it's too late, and-”   
She kept talking but I wasn't listening anymore. It took me about ten seconds to process what she had said, and then I broke away before she could stop me and started sprinting back towards the science building as fast as I could, ignoring her voice shouting from behind me.

By this time there were even fewer people still around the buildings, so there was no one to stop me from reaching the source of the fire in a few minutes. Orange and red flames licked up the far side of the building and were just visible over the roof, and clouds of thick black smoke billowed up from them and out of the open double doors at the front. The sight of it slowed me down, but only for a moment. I took a few deep breaths, steeled my nerve, and dashed headlong through the doors.  
The smoke closed around me instantly, blocking most of my visibility and creeping down my throat in choking tendrils that made me cough and splutter loudly. I almost turned around, but the image of Edward, trapped somewhere in here with no way to get out without being burned, sent me surging forward into the dense near-blackness, not entirely sure where I was or where I was going. I realised that the further I went into the smoke, the hotter I became, and reasoned that I must be reaching the source of the fire. It was as good a place as any to start looking, my addled brain decided, and so I followed the heat towards what I hoped would at least be a better lit place to begin my search.

It took me not two minutes to find the classroom that was the centre of the blaze. The smoke cleared out completely in the wake of the flames, though so much had gotten into my lungs by this point that I was still coughing violently. The door was closed, but the glass pane in the top part of it had gotten smashed somehow, and flames licked at the edge of the frame. I peered in through the opening and blinked against the brightness of the fire and the overwhelming heat haze that impaired my vision further. Squinting, I could just make out a dark shape backed against the far wall, trapped by a collapsed ceiling support and trying frantically to get further away from the flames, though there was nowhere else to go. The sight was pitiful and terrifying all at once.

Determination and bravery flooded me from some unknown source, and without stopping to think too hard I grabbed for the handle.   
“Ouch!” I yelped when the hot metal burned my palm. I tried again, this time pulling the sleeve of my t-shirt down over my hand to protect it. It still hurt a little, and it was very hot, but it was bearable long enough to get the door open. The heat surged out in a great wave, along with a little cloud of smoke, and I coughed again.  
My shout had alerted the dark figure to my presence, and I heard, over the roar of the fire, a voice calling my name.   
“Bella!” it shouted, and I knew at once I had found what I came in here for; Edward.  
“Wait right there, Edward!” I shouted as loud as I could. “I'm coming to get you.”  
“Don't be stupid, Bella!” he yelled back, sounding agitated and frightened. “You'll get hurt! Get out while you still can!”

I ignored him and began picking my way through the room, finding small spaces that the fire had yet to touch wherever I could. When I was about halfway across the room, Edward called out a warning and I stopped, watching part of another ceiling strut fall down, narrowly avoiding my head. As soon as it was down, I hopped over it and continued. All the time I was doing this, Edward kept on telling me to get out, save myself, forget about him and leave before I got hurt or worse. When only the collapsed ceiling support separated us, I had finally had enough and yelled at the top of my voice, “I am not leaving you, Edward!”

That shut him up, and gave me a chance to think about how I was actually going to get him out. There was no chance of moving the heavy bar; even discounting its weight, the entire thing was on fire apart from one section too high up for me to reach. I glanced around frantically, looking for anything that could help, and spotted a broom, obviously left behind by a cleaner, set against the wall very close to Edward.  
“Pass me that broom!” I called, pointing to it. His eyes darted over to it for half a second, full of fear at the proximity of the fire. It was strange to see him so unsettled and afraid; I had never seen it before, and it unnerved me slightly. At the same time, it gave me confidence and a sense of responsibility; for once, he was not the strong, brave one. I could be strong and brave too.

Edward inched gingerly along the wall, darting his hand out as soon as he was close enough to the broom and grabbing it by the handle. Then he edged back and carefully passed it to me through a gap in the fire. Holding it by the end of the handle, I blocked out everything else and began to swing the bristles at the tiny part of the burning barrier still not alight. Several times I missed, and the roar of the fire behind me began to make me nervous. Closing my eyes to centre myself for a moment, I took what was very likely to be my last swing. There was a crash as the two poles connected and I jumped back as much as I could as the ceiling support came crashing down, leaving Edward free to step over it easily. He grabbed my hand – I didn't fight it – and let me lead him back through the blazing classroom. His hand shook in mine, and I could tell that he was still very frightened, so I moved as quickly as I could, breaking into a run as the last opening between us and the door began to close up. We barely made it through, only just passing the frame before another thunderous crash signalled the collapse of half the roof onto the floor below.

The fire had spread while we were inside the classroom, making its way down the corridor, and we didn't stop running, desperate to get away from it. I was lost in the smoke all around us, so he took the lead, and in a matter of minutes we reached the doors. There was no one around, though the sound of sirens could clearly be heard from the direction of the parking lot. We stopped running, and I bent over, leaning on my knees and coughing violently. Edward reached out to help me, but another loud explosion from inside the building had us both jumping out of our skin and setting off across the school as fast as we could go. There was no time to talk, and I didn't have the breath or the energy for it anyway. The noise from the parking lot got louder and louder as we approached, and Edward put an arm around me and limped slightly. I played along, and we managed to make it look as if we were leaning on each other fairly convincingly. 

As we rounded the corner of the last building, a shrill cry sounded from ahead of us, and we were soon caught up in the arms of our respective parents, all three frantic with worry, before we were passed off to the waiting medical team. Well, I was; Carlisle insisted on checking Edward himself, probably to stop anyone from realising he hadn't been affected by the fire at all. The EMT taking care of me bandaged my burnt hand carefully as the principal began shouting over a bull horn, letting everyone know that the best thing to do now was go home and assuage the worries of frantic parents. Students began departing in droves, though some, mostly younger students still brought in by parents, had to wait a little longer to be collected. Once I had been cleared, with a stern order to go straight home and rest, I was bustled into the cruiser by Charlie and carted out of school.

I didn't get the chance to make sure Edward was really alright. I didn't even see him after he was pulled away from me. And though I knew better, I couldn't stem the worry that all my efforts had been in vain.

~RR~

Charlie put me to bed as soon as we got home, with a stern warning to stay there unless I needed something and to call him if I had a problem, before he went back out to help deal with the aftermath of the fire. I curled up under the covers despondently and tried to sleep, but sleep refused to come. I just kept kicking myself for what I’d done. I knew I couldn't have let Edward die, but there were better ways that I could have dealt with the situation, ways that didn't show that I still cared, like telling a teacher or a rescue worker that he was still inside. Now he was sure to guess that I had been lying, and he would try and get me to admit it at the first available opportunity.  
Stupid, stupid, stupid! I scolded myself over and over. What were you thinking?  
After a few hours of fruitless tossing and turning, I gave up on trying to sleep and just turned my back to the window and lay there, not really thinking about anything. For some reason, I had the strangest feeling that I was waiting for something – or someone. 

After a while – I didn't know exactly how long – I heard a soft tapping on my window. I sighed, but didn't turn around. I didn't need to; there was only one person with the ability and inclination to climb up to my second floor window rather than knocking on the front door.  
“Go away, Edward.” I grumbled, pulling my quilt over my head. I heard my window slide open and the soft sounds of someone climbing through it and landing on my bedroom floor. Angrily I rolled over and pulled back the cover, glaring at my visitor.  
“I said, go away.” I growled.  
Edward didn't listen to me, taking a step forward into the room. “I want to talk to you.”  
I pulled the quilt over my head again so he wouldn't see me lie. “Well I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to be near you. Go away.”  
Suddenly, my quilt vanished and he was standing over me, face determined, eyes burning.  
“I don't believe you.” he murmured.

Anger gripped me suddenly and I sat up, swinging my legs round onto the floor.  
“Why do you have to be so god damn stubborn!” I half shouted. “Why can't you just accept that we're over and move on?”  
“Because I’m not ready to let you go.” he replied, trying to sound calm, but I could hear the slight wobble in his voice. Disguising my guilt at having caused him pain with anger, I began to really lay into him, yelling and poking him in the chest to emphasise my words.  
“Well you're going to have to be. Don't you get it? I’m human, you're a vampire, and you refuse to change me. It was never going to work!”  
I turned around so that I didn't have to look at him any more, crossing my arms over my chest and trying not to cry. There was silence for a minute before he spoke again.  
“Look at me, Bella.” he said softly. I shook my head vigorously.  
His hands gripped my arms tightly and spun me back around to face him, holding on to me tightly despite my struggles.  
“Let go of me!” I protested, wriggling furiously, to no avail.  
“Look at me.” he demanded again. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me.”  
I stared up into his deep golden eyes, and tried my hardest to do as he asked.  
“I...I...” I stuttered, struggling to force out the lie without closing my eyes or looking away. It was a lose-lose situation; either I wouldn't be able to hold his gaze and he would know I was lying, or I wouldn't be able to say it and he would never let me go. I swallowed and tried again. “I...I don't...”  
And then I sagged against him, finally giving in.  
“I can't!” I wailed, throwing my arms around him, burying my face in his chest and sobbing heavily. His arms curled around me tightly, holding me close and brushing a hand across my hair. His soft voice soothed me, even as my sobs drowned out the words. He guided me slowly back onto the bed, laying me down flat and stretching out beside me. We clung to each other, his face buried in my hair and mine tucked against his neck. It took a while, but I eventually calmed down to the point where the sobs became small sniffs and whimpers. Edward rolled onto his back and gently draped me across his chest, stroking my hair softly.

“Bella,” he said in almost a whisper. “can I ask you something?”  
I nodded, sniffing again and trying to gather the strength to speak.  
“What were you thinking?” he asked, sounding slightly frustrated. “Why did you go to such lengths to make me think that you didn't care anymore?”  
It took me a moment to shape my answer, to rearrange my tumbled thoughts from the night of my birthday and figure out exactly what I had been thinking.  
“I guess...” I paused for a moment before continuing. “I guess I was thinking that it would be better for both of us, if we weren't together. Well, mostly I was thinking it would be better for you.”  
I peeked up at his face, and he was frowning in consternation.   
“Explain that please.” he said, obviously confused.  
“Well,” I said, hesitant. “I could see how it hurt you to be near me, the struggle with control, and how I was taking you away from your family. And when you were saying you would try to kill yourself if I died...” I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut so I didn't start crying again. “I couldn't let you do that, I couldn't have that on my conscience. I thought, if I separated us, that you could move on and forget about me, and find someone who can keep up with you, that you wouldn't have to save all the time, and then it wouldn't matter to you whether I was alive or not.”  
“Oh, Bella.” he sighed. “Don't you know what you mean to me? Don't you realise how much I care for you? I could never forget about you, not if I lived to be a thousand years old. I will always love you, no matter what. As for having someone that can keep up with me...” He smiled softly at me and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “I think you've done a pretty good job so far. You keep me on my toes, that's for certain. And I really don't mind saving you. It makes me feel like I matter for the first time in my life, like I have a purpose. Just being around you makes me feel like someone is better off because I exist. Besides, it's not like you haven't returned the favour.”  
I shook my head, but he wouldn't hear of it.  
“Don't do that.” he almost grumbled, before becoming serious. “You saved my life today, Bella. If it weren't for you and your bravery, I would be nothing but a pile of ashes by now. And even before that, you saved me. As soon as you came into my life, you saved me. Every day you save me from the loneliness that has been my existence for the last eighty years. There is no me without you anymore.”  
He brushed the tips of his fingers over my cheek. “So long,” he whispered. “so long I have waited for you, and never knew I was waiting. So many years I have longed for what my father and my brothers have, and never even known it. And when I finally found you... I want everything with you, Bella. I want to take you to prom again, and show you that you can dance, if you have the right partner. I want to be with you when you stay up half the night cramming before finals, and I want to be the first person to congratulate you when you graduate. I want to get down on one knee and give you my mother's ring.”   
I gasped, but he didn't pause, staring intensely into my eyes. “I want to stand with you in front of an altar, and pledge my love for you in front of all our friends and family. I want to be yours forever, and for you to be mine in return. I want to spend everyday until the end of time showing you what you mean to me. I can see it, our future together, every time I close my eyes. Say you can see it too, Bella. Surely you can see how much I love you. Can't you?  
I stared into his eyes, and saw in their unfathomable depths nothing but truth and love and everything he had described. With every passing moment I wondered more how I could ever have thought I could let him go.  
“Yes.” I whispered. “Yes, I see it. I see it all.”

“Do you know what else I see?” Edward whispered back, eyes still locked with mine as he leaned in slightly closer, rolling over so that we lay side by side on the bed facing each other.  
“What?” I breathed, feeling dizzy from how close he was getting and the swirl of his scent in the air around me.  
“I see us, exactly the way we are now, forever. I see my beautiful Bella, even stronger and more radiant than ever before. I never let myself think about it before, but now I can see it, and I want it. So,” He leaned in even closer, barely a centimetre away from me. “if you still want it, I’m willing to change you whenever you're ready. I want you to be like me, if only so that I never have to let you go, and I feel so selfish for thinking that way, but I can't deny it any more. I want you, Bella, forever, if you'll have me. If you still want to give up your life to share mine.”  
I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was I dreaming? Had the smoke gone to my head and made me loopy? I decided that I didn't care; I would enjoy it now and deal out with the fall out later should it prove to be all just a figment of my imagination.  
“Of course I do.” I told him, a little breathless, still affected by his close proximity to my lips. “Besides, I wouldn't be giving up anything. You are my life, Edward.”  
And, just to prove it and because I couldn't deal with him being so close anymore, I leaned forward and planted my lips against his. He was quick to respond, and after two days of barely touching, the thought of breaking up for good, and the leftover fear from this afternoon that we would never have the chance to try again, it wasn't surprising that the kiss was much more exuberant than our usual ones. Love and passion seemed to hum around us in an almost visible aura, pulsing between us and filling up the room as we became more and more frantic with each passing moment.

A gruff throat clearing interrupted us.  
Crap. I thought. Charlie.  
“I take it this means you two are back together?” he said, sounding amused rather than angry. I didn't trust it to last.  
Edward pulled back, rolling onto his back and leaning against my headboard while I sat straight up.  
“Dad, I...” I started to say, but he held up a hand to cut me off.  
“Don't you start with that. I’m not angry with you, Bells.”  
I frowned. “You're not?”  
He shook his head. “Nope. In fact, I’m relieved. You've been a wreck these last couple of days, Bella, and while I wish it hadn't taken something quite so drastic, I’m glad what happened this afternoon has brought you to your senses.”  
“Wow.” I said, genuinely surprised, and Edward chuckled. The sound caused Charlie's focus to shift to him, and his eyes narrowed the tiniest bit, but not in anger; it was more a look of parental authority.  
“Nevertheless, you should be resting, and you,” he pointed at Edward. “should be doing the same, at home. What's Esme going to think when she checks on you and finds you're gone? Hasn't she been through enough today?”  
Edward bowed his head meekly. “I'm sorry sir. It's just... I never got to thank Bella for what she did, and I really wanted to make sure she was okay.” He grinned at me cheekily. “Winning her back in the process is just a bonus.”  
I blushed, and Charlie laughed.  
“That's all well and good,” he chuckled. “but how about using the door next time, alright?”  
“Yes sir.” Edward replied with a smile.

Charlie chuckled again, then transferred his stern look to me. “Don't you go doing anything like that again, Bella, you hear me? You had all of us in quite a state, running off like that. Poor Alice was beside herself worrying about the two of you.”  
Now it was my turn to drop my head. “Yes Dad.”  
“Alright,” he said with a huff, as if he were glad the whole thing was over. “I'm going to go and call your parents to come get you, Edward. Until then... I’m trusting you to be sensible, Bells.”  
His tone was teasing, but it still made me blush madly again, which made him laugh... again. Finally, he wandered off down the corridor, closing the door before he went. 

I huffed heavily and threw myself back on the bed. Edward chuckled and pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of me head. I looked up at him, and he was smiling widely.  
“What are you smiling about?” I asked him, not able to stop the smile that spread across my face in response to his. He grinned wider at my question, looking down into my eyes. His eyes were soft, loving, and so happy that it took my breath away.  
“I've got my Bella back.” he said simply, and squeezed me tightly.  
I curled closer into him, putting my head on his chest and wrapping my arms around his neck.  
“And I’ve got my Edward back.” I whispered.  
“That sounds good,” he hummed, and I giggled.  
“Do you what sounds even better?” he said after a moment.  
“What?” I asked.

“Mrs Isabella Cullen.”


End file.
